So, Yesterday I made a post about our trip.
Now, while everything I said was true, it does not accurately describe the trip. This was a purposeful post to make an illustration.
I decided to do an experiment on perception: Heather and I notice that we are ‘happy’ most of the time, even though faced with hardship. Why?
I know it will likely sound goody-goody, but we only remember the good and forget the bad. In the post yesterday, I only presented the bad parts. Only viewing these, (especiaily if I myself only dwelled on these aspects), the trip would have been a failure, or We would have regretted it.
The truth? We had a ton of fun. It was great. Why? Here are the good parts that we choose to celebrate, to remember:
When we got in to the Treasure Island, we (dressed well) did early check-in. While others around us were upset that their “rooms weren’t ready” (clue, people, EARLY check-in), we politely said “that’s no problem! we’re just happy to check in early. Thanks for the service.” So, what do we get? A room upgrade. TO A SUITE. TO A KICK ASS SUITE. I’m talking the largest room on the 23rd floor with 2 bathrooms and a living room. ROCKSTAR.
a secret: how to get what you want in Vegas? Dress nicely, be grateful and polite, tip well. It’s like magic.
That afternoon, I pop 2 bucks into a quarter machine and quickly turn it into $100.00. I don’t have to hit the ATM again until we hit Mesquite. We go to the Imperial Palace Hawaiian Buffet and it is a mess (queueing up in the hallway, 110 degree temps), but we have fun anyway – We got VIP tickets to the show and so we are seated first, eat the buffet first ( I thought those behind us were going to murder us for shrimp), and have a grand time anyway. Many sour faces abound: ours? Happy. Why? We chose to be happy. The perception and selective memory is all. What were obstacles become challenges and once overcome, funny little stories.
In Mesquite, which is every much the living hell I made it out to be, we quickly make $250 on a $20 investment in the Wheel of Fortune Game. Thanks, Mesquite! And even though Heather and I are sick (tummy problems for the both of us since the first day: Portland people can’t handle that heat!), we have fun because we choose to. In the banal boring hell of Mesquite, Nevada Heather and I have fun and a good time because it is the best choice to. All hardships will be overcome, all bad memories will pass if you only decide to forget them.
I know I’m sounding like a damn preacher, but remember the good and forgetting the bad is the key to having fun and being happy no matter where you are — on vacation in hell, at work, on the road. Life is too important to take too seriously and far too short to dwell on negatives. Be that positive change, remember the good/funny aspects, lighten up and the world will open to you, gracefully supporting your next steps.
You can be happy. You must choose to. It does mean destroying the “yeah, but”s in your life. It does mean giving up acting on the seductive temptations of self-pity. Fake it till you make it and before you know it you’re under an indigo firmament and the stars look very different indeed. Rise above it, brothers and sisters!
Positive thinking wins again! 🙂
Exactly. Years from now it will be “Oh my goodness, remember that trip to Vegas and Mesquite? That was sure a fun train-wreck! We certainly had a bunch of fun even in that circumstance!” If could have been “Damn, that was no fun at all! I feel cheated out of a vacation. I can’t believe we spent that much and didn’t enjoy it! ”
The happenstance of the trip would have been the same. We chose to remember it happily, and thus it becomes a happy memory. It’s a brain-hack and it makes my life rewarding and happy.
Have you read Stumbling on Happiness?
I think Heather has, and I know the basics of his arguments and happen to agree and practice them as I know ’em. I would like to read it at some point.
I aslo want to read the paradox of choice, which all dove-tail into a recovery from affluenza that spurred the move to PDX in the first place.
Very well said. Abraham Lincoln said something to the effect of, “People are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” When I approach a situation with dread or the assumption it’s gonna suck, it usually does. When I approach a situation – this weekend, for example – with the expectation that, although it might not be exactly how I want something, but that I am going to enjoy myself, I do. Also: because I’ve chosen to enjoy the situation, I can then laugh at the absurd things that, under other circumstances, might have made me miserable.
a secret: how to get what you want in Vegas? Dress nicely, be grateful and polite, tip well. It’s like magic.
I’ve found this tends to work everywhere. It may be one of the most powerful rhetorics on the planet.
but we only remember the good and forget the bad, and perception and selective memory is all
This is disturbingly close to denial, which is not you and Heather. Do you mean you de-emphasize the bad in the context of your enjoyment, perhaps by 1) accepting the things you cannot change (re: cause-effect: clue, people, EARLY check-in), and 2) and by not harboring expectations of external perfection (e.g. Mesquit’s status, temperatures in the Imperial Palace Buffet will be comfortable) while choosing to create happiness where you could (e.g. Dress nicely, be grateful and polite, tip well)?
If, however, you really do mean that you suppress unpolesantness, well, like I said, denail is not you and Heather and so, I won’t believe that this is what you are doing. Besides, denial has never led to happiness as far as I can tell.
Fake it till you make it
**twitch
Indeed – and a corollary is that since we only live in the present, we can only be happy in the present. Hoping to be happy in the future will do no good. We must be happy now.
Of course, ‘happy’ has lost all meaning now that I have repeated it so much. 😉
This reminds me of that song, “You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd.” It’s about choosing happiness too, or at least, that’s how I take it. 😀
Indeed it is accepting that which cannot be changed. Skip to acceptance after briefly thinking about denial, anger, bargaining, and depression.
The only denial left is denying the seductive self-pity of depression. It is the denial of any addiction. That self-pity will not make you happy any more than that full-fat whole cheesecake will make you healthy/skinny. Accept that depression, accept that your ideals will not be met. Change what you can and move on!
And Fake it till you make it only means “Be positive and confident and you will soon be positive and confident naturally.”
I.e. “Begin to eat well,” not “stop eating bad food.” “start looking on the positive,” not “stop being negative.” It may be hard or seem out-of-habit, but even the longest trips eventually end at their destination, no matter how slowly the landscape seems to pass.
Man, this is so 100% right on the money. I’ve often been surprised while on vacations with friends and family, how much their attitudes can really sour a vacation that – were Soren and I on our own – we’d have found delightful. Yeah, I get snarky, but when it comes down to it – I know that if you’re going to get pissy at every little thing that goes slightly off the rails in your life, you’re going to seriously hate the ride. But, if you adopt and early and ofted c’est la vive attitude and decide that even the most obnoxious events are grist for the “good stories later” mill? You laugh a lot more and to my mind, you lead a much happier life.
It’s all in how you choose to frame things. Glass half empty or glass which could easily be topped off with expensive liquor you’ve never tried before. *grin*
This talk of liquor pleases me.
Indeed – The sour faces (H and I call them “buttermilk people”) that usually surround us in a crowd are all the warning about life-outlook we need.
Another good tool/plan which you just mentioned that we employ is the treatment of things that go off-rail, but in a pro-active (I DID NOT JUST USE THAT IN COMMON PARLANCE) sense: It is better to have a sketch/outline of a plan then a detailed one.
I steer my life’s ship in a general goal direction and see where the winds take me. If one sets up detailed stops and plans it only leads to more possibility of being derailed, and (since one hasn’t planned for random possibilities) your plan is ruined.
Embrace ambiguity and sketch-planning while making it up as you go along and take the slings and arrows jiu-jitsu style. It’s a talent that rewards with practice.
Did my mom send you a copy of “The Secret”?
🙂
Heh. It’s no secret. It’s like the secret of losing weight or gaining financial success. Everyone knows how, we just don’t wanna.
Tricksey hobbit! Evil! False!
There was no other way that I could think of to get the perception point across. I.e. to the reader, the image of how the trip ‘was’ compared to how we ‘viewed’ it .. etc.
Only cruel to be kind.
My wife describes my state of being as “denial” or “head in the clouds” or something like that.
I don’t deny that the bad things do – or *might* – happen, I just choose to give them enough focus to learn from them. When I dwell on them, it’s easy to spiral into depression. It’s a lot healthier to accept them for what they were and don’t give them any more air time than that – there’s more important stuff going on.
So you’re saying lower your expectations and you’ll be happier? 😛
This may be the second coolest thing I’ve read today. The first was ” The mighty oak tree / does not give a damn / about cherry blossoms” (from poet Basho, my translation) It all seemed to fit.
Rockstar indeed. \m/
Good post, Cute. Or is that Father Cute?
I’ve been working on my tendency to let one small thing ruin an otherwise great day. I’ll be cruising along, having a good day, when something annoying (or whatever) happens. I used to be bummed for the rest of the day (“My day was terrible!”) but now I’m better able to stay happy and shake it off. I’m much happier for it.
But just a reminder, not everyone has the fabulous Miss Heather Positive to show us the bright side. 😉
Love ya!
Hey!
Hey!
What happend to the pics of . . . your basement. Yeah!
🙂
I’m going to be doing a *smidge* more renovation this week, and take some pics this weekend.
I’m looking to be entirely done with house and tiki stuff for a bit and re-establish web presence soon. Pics will be part of that.
Mostly modeling shots.
Sideburn modeling shots.
Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Also, Poo on you.
It’s a hard habit to break because on some level, one feels comfort from self-pity, even when it seems like it is negative. Negative attention better than none? Dunno, but that Neural pathway is like quicksand and sours all perception. I’ve learned that it is all too easy to miss a hidden positive when the brain is in negative-land.
And yes, having a fabulous lovely to dote on is a immense joy.
I do like that in the zen sense of “this too, shall pass.”
I had lunch next to a pond, watching a child feed geese and ducks. Such a joy to be alive.
Glad you had a good time and drew out what I found annoying about Vegas in the meantime. And especially glad that you won and that you got the upgrade to the suite (without having to “earn” it in the casino!)
Yeah, those bad bits are all still true. I just choose to forget about them in the long run, chuck it up to: Next vacation, maybe NOT vegas. 😉
One thing that Amy and I have learned is that if you set up something that people will enjoy, they usually will – even if you stress about it.
It was that way for a function we had for a group I’m in a couple weeks ago, and will be that way for Tiki Con – no matter how much you worry about it, if you do the planning, people will enjoy it!
Yeah, most of the time even when things are shitty Erick and I end up laughing about them. 🙂 This is not to say that I don’t complain, but I ENJOY complaining, I don’t get bitter about it too often.
I try to keep in mind the words of the immortal poet, Elvis Costello,
I used to be disgusted,
but now I try to be amused.
😀