Bealtaine

Well, happy May Day everyone.

I’m in a funk that I’m trying to get out of with very little success. Even a weekend with a nice fire didn’t truly work. The fact of my feelings are that I’m tired of being a dependable go-to-guy. I get this way every now and then. I’m tired of being the prime motivator, the fixer, the one who makes it OK. I am resentful because I have a lack of an upper resource for myself. There is no one who makes it OK for me. No one to solve my problems. No one to take over and fix things for me. Nope, I’m alone and have to fend for myself. I’m fine to be strong when I’m on the field, but I have to sit a period out once and a while – but I can’t count on anyone to play the game in my absence. That’s what it feels like to me.

The reality may be different, yes. I’m sure I am operating out of emotional stress, yes. But the feeling that I can’t count on anyone to take the ball not only in my work, but also in my personal life is deeply troubling to me.

So, I hope the new season post- Lá Bealtaine brings me happier times. There is a bunch of hard work to be done in every aspect of my life, and I intend to see it through and done, no matter who or what I leave in my wake.