Heavily filtered.
Haven’t posted in a while: I’ve been fatigued.
The fallout from support sometimes gets to me – I feel emotionally drained by all that I put myslef into. My natural demaner is to help and support and also a lack of assertiveness and a fix-it mentality. This leads me into where I feel taken advantage of. I know it is within my control to be able to say “no,” but the downward spiral is that it is just easier to get the job done rather than push for my own well being.
The problem with this is that the only escape I have is through withdrawl: there is no “me” time, so I steal a bit from every interaction and I become an automaton: a servant to the role I play.
So lately that’s where I’ve been. I tire of being the nice guy, the supporter, the understanding. I start to feel as though every interaction is a psychic vamire sucking on my life-force – I feel disrespected and taken for granted.
I’d like to feel that I’m being considered as a value, rather than a tool. The weekend trip to L.A. helped much in that area, but the benefit of that has already unfortunately worn off. I do get a lot of positive verbal reinforcement, but I really have come believe it’s pillow talk and lip service: I would like action to speak for words, to see that I’m valued rather than convinced.
But really it’s likely I’m just bitchy because I’ve been having to work (in work and personal live) hard lately – I wonder if anyone’s noticed.
Gosh, talk about a feast of recognition.
Take care of yourself. You can lean on me.
I’m a fairly hardcore introvert. Too much work, and too many social engagements and I turn downright cranky and evil. It’s why I have one afternoon each weekend dedicated to me and me alone. I go to the coffee house and read, or write. Those three or four hours each weekend are non-negotiable. If I don’t feel like I need that time away, I don’t have to take it though. And often I don’t need it.
Chris, however, knows at least one afternoon each weekend is ME time, and will make sure not to promise anything to anyone if one of those days is already taken up with an activity or social engagement. I’m flexible as to whether or not the afternoon is a Saturday or Sunday; the day is not really as important as getting that time once a week. If I say I don’t want to do something, he doesn’t give me any grief over it. It’s a system that works pretty good for me, and Chris too really, as it allows him to have his own time as well, and keeps me from turning in to an over-extended cranky monster.
Don’t know if doing something like that would be helpful to you or not.
just bitchy because
Sounds more like you feel exploited. A real moral booster might be “work is it’s own reward”–just kidding. Sounds like you are contributing more than you are being compensated and it’s time for a merit raise.
The feeling also moves over to my personal life – it is not only work. I know that stress can spread in that fashion, but I feel like it is more than just my work situation.
How so?
catch me sometime when we can chat IM – not able to focus at work currently.
(same for you, Nanne)
No problem.
In the meantime, I hope you feel better.
I’ve been feeling that way myself lately. But on the other end. I feel like I’m sitting in a job that doesn’t make use of 1/10th of my abilities and I’m just riding it out.
I hate the feeling when no one notices what you are doing and/or what you are capable of.
And it does bleed. It bleeds all over the place. Add to that the other crap that has been going on and it is just a recipe for putting me in a funk.
I think you need to take some me time. I wish that I could wave my magic wand and make it all better. But you are little too far away.