I meant to talk to you this weekend about the conversation we had about David & “secrets” and stuff, but I kept forgetting – Here is an IM session I just had with him:
Everything’s cool, I just wanted to let you know what we were talking about, and what I said. We started to talk about the differences in xy/xx ability to have sex be insignificant, etc. — Anyway you can read it for yourself.
He was going to post about it to LJ, but Since you are involved (I speak about my perception of you — Please read to make sure that’s ok, or if you agree/disagree, etc.), I want to make sure you’re ok with stuff, and we’re ok with stuff.
I am being quite oversensitive here, but too much communication is better than not enough, I guess! 😉
P.s. let me know if how/what I said makes you feel, K? Kissies!
elenadan: Good Morning
David: heya 🙂
David: how are you today?
elenadan: back
elenadan: I have the usual monday sluggishness, but apart from that I am good.
elenadan: How are you
elenadan: today?
David: same as you it seems
elenadan: Oh I wanted to talk about the whole secret thing to make sure we’re ok – is now an OK time?
David: yup
David: I’m sure we are okay 😉
elenadan: Me two, I just need a re-assurance
elenadan: cause I’m sensitive
David: okee dokee
elenadan: 😀
elenadan: I don’t think I even have any secrets of your to tell – do I?
David: I don’t have many LOL
elenadan: When Heather posted that “no secrets were devulged,”
elenadan: I thought “Do I know any of David’s secrets *to* tell her?”
elenadan: And I can’t think of any… 😀 hehe.
David: Me either 🙂
David: There really aren’t any “secrets”
elenadan: It was a strange word to use
David: I mean, there are things I have not talked about, and then there are secrets, like my depression triggers, but no one knows those except my therapist.
elenadan: we were talking about sex in general
elenadan: and the seeming ability for men to have it on the side –
David: **nod
elenadan: at least have it be relatively insignificant
elenadan: vs. the seeming way that women view sex as more significant, or personal or binding
elenadan: in a very vague general sense.
elenadan: The idea of having sex and having it mean “nothing” <-- vague, etc. elenadan: is alien to heather David: It's been my experience that women are more likely to noticeable desgrees to interpret sex as more significan, personal, and binding then we men are. elenadan: excactly David: I'm not convinced it means nothing to men, just not necessarily what it means to women. elenadan: yes - I personally attribute it to a compartmentalization ability elenadan: that I seem to posess and see in men I have known elenadan: most likely the tools society has tought us to hide and supress emotion/feeling elenadan: with the help of testosterone David: Research on male and female adult brains suggests that men lateralize many times more than women do--women tend to have more balanced paritcipation David: it's hard to tell what is nature and what is nurture. Probably both are involved/re-enforcing. elenadan: complex relationships and cylces, yes. elenadan: but anyway, I felt the need to fill you in with some of that backstory, etc. elenadan: Which tells me I really care what you think about me, doesn't it? elenadan: telling, that. David: In our search to understand and label everything, we identify women as behaving a certain way--based on a kernel of truth--and men as behaving a certain way--based on a kernal of truth. Then we come to expect it, attach value to labels like masculine and feminine, and remaikning in your category (box) , , , David: I care about you too, Craig. David: One of us should post this exchange on LJ, you mind? David: from Seth just now: vbseth : omg the same fault line that caused the tsunami in december just has a tremor --- 8.5 magnitude elenadan: wee elenadan: I should tell heather first elenadan: I should have talked to her about it first David: okay, make sure it's okay with her. It'll spark dialogue. LJ people love male/female talk :) elenadan: I'll let ya know as soon as I get word from the H
It’s fine if you want to post it–it is kind of funny, you are talking about something personal, and in classic David fashion he’s talking about something more intellectual. “Research suggests…” vs “I” statements.