As some may know,
Heather and I were stage managers last year, and last year when some staff members and other volunteers didn’t pull their weight, we ended up basically running the main stage. We didn’t complain because we were there to work and appreciate a job well done. This over-working did not lead to the demise of my fandom, it just weighs in.
This year, we were assigned very light duties (due to our predicament last year).
And three guesses what happened with this year’s party.
Yep, other volunteers and/or staff fell down on their duties and we once again did stage managing for the entire Oscar party broadcast.
After the telecast, we went to the VIP tent to relax, and maybe catch some snaps of the famous folk as they arrived and/or mingled, yeah?
So this is the VIP tent, where everyone is supposed to be VIPs and be professional.
So when the stars start showing up, everyone crowds around the tent opening and the path to the VIP room within the tent (where the stars will be sequestered before they go onstage)
There is pushing and shoving, and when Elijah and Dom come in and go by, the looks of terror on their faces as they scuttle to the VIP tent break my heart, and the surrounding of them by the “VIPs” who look to be friends of staff and other volunteers force things into perspective and undeniable focus.
And my mind snaps.
“What the hell am I doing here?” “This is not me, anymore, was it ever?”
I had to go, I had to get out, I was sickened to my very core.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not chastising fandom for any fans out there, I’m not producing judgment (that’s not my bag, baby.)
But it’s not for me.
The cult of celebrity and fandom is such a bizarre creature – I mean, I would have loved to chat with Elijah (you know, or have sex with him because he is so fucking cute), or have a discussion with PJ – but in a friendly manner – these are just people! No one special, just people.
Contingency has placed them in a position where they are admired by many, worshipped by some and I don’t understand it.
So why am I here? To catch a glimpse of Dominic Monahan so I can know for sure he’s real? To get a pic so I can post it on the interweb and say “yeah, I was there?” It’s really not that big of a deal to me
I mean; I fucking love Lord of the Rings. As a novel it really helped me with it’s philosophy on sacrifice and humility; it tickled my lust for language and mythic theme.
And I have liked the movies a great deal – not to say there are quite a few decisions I am very unhappy with, still on a whole they have brought the themes and feeling of the book to life for many fans.
But to be a fan of a person who was in a movie made of a book I like seems like too much diffusion and distance to be fanatical about.
I can’t get excited by the aspect of “meeting” Peter Jackson – unless it is as a peer, or as a friend – you know, to meet and say hi and have a chat.
But PJ is just a director – he’s not special (intrinsically) – in his field, yes, etc.
So It is broken down to this:
We are all special – there is just as cool and talented and special a person in your own town who has no celebrity. And you can meet them, talk to them, collaborate with them.
Celebrity has no monopoly on talent or charm; (not that celebrity rules this out, I’m not nay saying that either). I just realize that talent doesn’t make you famous. Charm does not bring you celebrity. Contingency brings you fame.
And I cannot bring myself to put any sort of value or respect to contingency. It just is.
And in that moment when this went through my brain, standing there as a frightened Elijah walked past, this came into clarity with such force, and with such contrast with my physicality there, I was broken.
Poor Heather had to succumb to my whim and my momentary mental difficulties in joining me in leaving at once.
We just left. No goodie bag, no goodbyes to people we met, I needed out. I was not this fan person anymore – I was just going through the motions, and at my age and position I have no time in my life for spending attention, money, or interest on anything that I have indifference to.
So I realized that I was a walking corpse, disconnected, alone. I felt like Frodo back in the Shire – I was at “home” in L.A., feeling oh so far away.
bummer, dude.
Sudden brain-change can be painful. =)
I had fun drrrinking with you and the crew the other night. I swear to god sometime you will meet me when I’m NOT getting hammered. I don’t do that very often. You must think I’m a total dork. =)
I had an amazing time; and I realize that I might come off a bit cold or something — I want you two to know it was a blast; I’m looking forward to more of the same.
I’m hoping this is the start of a fun (and productive; parties? Music? Gaming? surely drinking!) friendship.
send me email to my Yahoo IM name at yahoo dot com and we can chat… 😀
It’s funny–I am having something similar with a GRR Martin message board I’ve frequented for a long time. There is a group of people who keep sending George gifts. For his birthday, for Xmas. I feel that this is too much (his thank you notes clearly reflect that) and not intrinsic to the enjoyment of his books. I’m lucky to have met George and once spend a complete dinner with him and some other fans, and he is undeniably a great guy, friendly and appreciative of his fans. But he is not a messiah.
I am posting less and less. The arguments are getting petty, and it is no longer enriching my life. I was planning on attending WorldCon, but now I am no longer sure. I would go to meet certain people, but not for the fandom. Mh, something to think about.
I hope was not too wroth 🙂
At first she was taken aback and did not understand. It is often difficult for me to explain myself, especially when I am in an emotional moment, so we talked about it on the drive back to my sister’s house – she shares my views on celebrity and what not, so it was all good.
I really thank her for supporting and understanding me at the time when I was acting like a fucking loony. 😀
I am trying to have an extended vacation in August. This will include a family visit, but also a vacation, just for myself. I’ve been thinking Portland might be a nice stop 🙂
Excellent!
I know what you mean. I really do. I’ve felt that way for years, and have a hard time wrapping my mind around any other way. I mean, yeah, I can say, “so and so is so hot!” but that’s about where it ends. They’re not my friend. I don’t shy away from meeting most people, but I don’t need to be… a real fanboy, I guess. I’ve always had a hard time articulating it myself though too.
I’m a fanboy – I have had the chance, TWICE, to have dinner with Mira Furlan from “Babylon 5”. But I agressively restrained my urge to fanboy her – it’s disrespectful, and pointless. I just thanked her for her work and her ability to make me care about the character, and I think she appreciated not being fanboy’d, and we had a nice talk about Yugoslavia and the differences pre and post Communism.
It makes me really upset to see people who I *respect* for their contributions to my life’s enjoyment – authors, musicians, actors, whatever – treated like some artifact, rather than a person. My response, in your situation, would’ve been IDENTICAL. (Well, I would’ve tried to shelter Elijah, probably by weilding a baseball bat. And I would’ve kidnapped Dom. 🙂
I’m sorry the jerks – FANDOM, bah! – wrecked your evening. It’s like a loss of innocence, and it stinks.
When I went to WorldCon last year, I felt that people were generally respectful and not excessive in their fandom—with the exception of the Neil Gaiman fans. So I don’t think being put off by fannishness is a good reason to not go.
I’m considering going again this year: it really depends on how many people I know who are going, and how many other Bostonians I know whom I can meet while I’m there. I felt that I didn’t know quite enough people last time.
My experience with cons is that if I have a good time with friends, the content of the con isn’t so important. DragonCon was mostly not my kind of con, but I had a great time because I was hanging out with cool people. Though if con content is important to you, the best value for the dollar is usually $YOUR_LOCAL_CON. I didn’t feel that the readings, panels, &c. at Worldcon were any better as a whole than what I’ve seen at Orycon.
The cult of celebrity and fandom is such a bizarre creature . . .. I realized that I was a walking corpse, disconnected, alone. I felt like Frodo back in the Shire – I was at “home” in L.A., feeling oh so far away.
Luckily, I am an INTP; my corresponding arrogance immunizes me from fandom (and authority, but that’s a different problem) unless fandom (and authority) is earned by meeting certain criteria.
Like you and. I’m giddy in your presence.
I’d love to be able to have a dinner, or coffee or something with these people becasue I think it would be interesting to talk about things, you know, as humans as you mention.
But the main thing I though of (in perspective) is that there are so many talented and interesting people in this world, to hold these few (whom we know of because of their contingent popularity) is really a disservice to our own communities.
Communities where one’s interactions and friendships could better seed productive creative relationships and such.
Don’t know if that makes any sense…
I think I can empathize; I should take myers-briggs.
I do have an arrogance (that I try to temper with my self-awareness of such) that “I’m just as ‘good’ as these people” – or at least, “these people are just as good/bad as anyone else.”
And I do have a similar authority problem… I think I was an INFP? hm
do you have a link to an online one I could try?
Oh, and why aren’t you on IM? Huh, Mr.?
I’m just nuetral to everyone. Until someone earns respect. When we received our new Director *cough *cough my only comment was that I didn’t make him director, so why did it concern me? It wasn’t like I was going to hold the door open for him or anything.
I think you were an INFP.
http://similarminds.com/
Try the 70 word Meyer’s-Briggs. Ans all the other nifty tests too.
I am on IM. I have cloaking shields engaged. But I’ll always answer you 😉
I took the Enneagram. I got this, or, at least in the lower half of the page.
“Based on your test results your variant is Sexual. So when reading other Enneagram books or websites refer to the Type 2w1, Sexual variant descriptions. ”
I’m not sure what it means, but I know it says sexual, and that’s enough for me. Unless it means I’m a sick fuck. In which case… that’s enough for me.
yup and yup.
As realizations go, I’m glad this one came swiftly and clearly. Sometimes they can take *years* to manifest.
Try the Meyer’s -Briggs and I’ll take that enneagram thing.
Deal Dealt and Done.
ENTP
The Envy of Neurotic Transforming Popes. Inventor. I well remember that from High School. Makes me pleased. Now if I could just make something that would make me bank, so I can hook up my bitches with the bling-bling.
I’m sorry to hear that the party ended with an unpleasant experience for you. (I’m not surprised you wound up having to do all the work again; in my experience, people who care about making things work always get taken advantage of by people who don’t care, which is why I quit volunteering for things.)
I’m with you about the cult of celebrity. I don’t get it. I mean, I may find someone *coughOrlandocough* really hot, but I wouldn’t, say, have a one night stand with him, any more than I would with any non-famous really hot guy — it’s just not in my nature. And while I would love to have the chance to have a conversation with Viggo, it’s because I think he’d be a really interesting conversationalist, and his fame is merely the reason I think that (in that I’ve read interviews with him, which non-famous people don’t generally have). But I’d be just as eager to have a conversation with an equally interesting non-famous person.
In other words, the fame itself is not the attraction. There are plenty of celebrities I have no desire to meet, and I just don’t get people who worship anyone who happens to attain a certain amount of fame. And as for admiring their work — I may indeed do so, but to my mind, a good actor is no more deserving of adulation than a good auto mechanic.
You are my extroverted counter-part. No wonder I like you.
Try here for a great detailed description:
http://www.personalitypage.com/ENTP.html
in my experience, people who care about making things work always get taken advantage of by people who don’t care, which is why I quit volunteering for things.)
BINGBINGBINGBINGBING!
Exactly.
I got an ENTP this time. I swear I used to be INFP. (inventor) now that I look at it, that makes sense – I used to be more feeling than thinking, and more introverted…
N and P are solid, though.
Unless there is something cataclysmic, people can change over time. Especially if a trait is near the border/not intense. If you were on the I/E and T/F borders, environmental influences and personal choices can make a difference. It’s like we have an anchor that signifies the personality’s mean. But we drift around that anchor-point.
funny thing is that I don’t mind at all about working – that’s what we were there to do, so that’s fine. I also knew we’d be tapped for larger duty, as H and I are competant and cool under pressure/celebrity.
Oh, I know. I realize the bad part for you was at the end in the VIP tent. I just meant that it was a shame you spent the whole night working, and then the part that was supposed to be your reward was actually the worst part of the evening.
I guess now you know why Viggo stayed away! 😉
Be-damned, and I thought it was for my sly southern accent and handsome moustache.
I s’pose not all the fellows enjoy Col. Angus. Guess I ought to join the Navy, got a fella there says he could make me a Rear Admiral.
Be-damned, and I thought it was for my sly southern accent and handsome moustache.
Craig!!!!
He’s flirting with me again!
I s’pose not all the fellows enjoy Col. Angus. Guess I ought to join the Navy, got a fella there says he could make me a Rear Admiral.
I work for the Navy. I hear promotions come in many forms, temptress.
Damn…that stinks in so many ways. But, I hear you. ‘Really, I do.