Month: May 2002

World Cup is tomorrow!

Wee!

I’ll be rooting for England, Ireland, Portugal, Brazil, and Italy. Oh, and I guess the US as well.
I’ll also be rooting for anyone playing against France. Go Senegal!

Now I have to decide whether to get up at 4:30AM to watch tomorrow or tape it. I’m sure Heather will want to tape, but the excitement may force me up early…

We spent a good amount of the weekend in the backyard doing landscaping which involved:
1. shovelling through dirt, rocks, and roots
2. pulling roots so shovelling can continue
3. dumping huge loads of wheelbarrow fulls of rocks and dirt
4. dumping new great bags of potting soil/compost into dug area

My back, Neck, and hands are very angry with me.

OK

I am completey enamoured of “The Hives”
Swedish “Garage Punk Post-Mod Pop”

If you have a decent broadband connection here is a video:
(sorry, it is Real Audio) — damn angelfire. I am uploading it to my website, the link will work by 11:00AM PST.

Hate to say I told you so!

Primary Ability: Beastspeaker Beastspeakers are gifted with the enviable ability to communicate with the animals around them. Most Beastspeakers are genuine people, and tend to enjoy time in the open air, instead of inside doing mundane chores. In general, Beastspeakers love the environment almost as much as they love their animals and friends.
Secondary Ability: Empath Empaths posess the ability to feel the emotions of others. They are gentle people, who encourage and nurture others. They percieve the world with their hearts and not with their minds. Empaths make great friends because they understand people.
What is your Misfit Talent?

5 blessings (though I abhor the spiritual reference 😉 ):

1. I am happy evolution has granted my species with the cerebral ability it has: of course this is contingent, if I didn’t have the faculties, would I know?

2. I am overjoyed in where I live – culture, friends, weather, community.

3. I am lucky to have met Heather – she has helped me grow to be the person that I want to be.

4. Things just seem to *work out* for me. I haven’t analysed it to much, but compared to the rest of the world out there, I realize this isn’t common.

5. I’m glad my father got to see my wedding and Heather and I together before he died.

Ok my turn with 101:

1. I have battled my weight all my life
2. Before I met/dated heather, I never thought I could be desireable or loved.
3. I really was ok and resigned to this romantic fate.
4. After being at leat 30-40 lbs overweight all my life, I came down to ~195lbs in the spring of 1993.
5. I slowly gained it all back and more to about 260 lbs in January of this year.
6. I have changed my relationship with food and exercise and with heather am back on the path of healthfulness.
7. My goal is to be back to ~190lbs by end-of-year.
8. I am currently at ~223
9. I have a strange combination of an inferiority complex and delusions of grandeur.
10. I have learned to let myself be honest about to whom I am attracted.

11. Heather was the first person other than myself to know I was also attracted to men.
12. I never was in a quandry whetner I was straight, gay or bi, but:
13. It took a long time for me to think that I could *love* another man: I thought it was only about attraction and sex.
14. Heather was my first sexual relationship.
15. A roomate of ours was my first same-sex sexual experience
16. This made me realize that not only in theory did I love sex with another man.
17. For some strange reason, I rejected his further advances (which were always when Heather was not present)
18. He stopped making advances.
19. He was at the same time making advances on Heather
20. This led to a quandry that saw him no longer being our roomate and H and I on shaky ground.
21. He no longer speaks to either of us.
22. I realized too late that I also loved him.
23. I greatly regret the lack of communication during the difficulties
24. I am still sad and regretful about the whole affair and think fondly of him.
25. I think I am not assertive enough
26. Until very recently I have had no decent close straight male friends.
27. And I’m not entire sure about the few I do have
28. I’m sad I cannot be myself around them because of homophobia
29. I’m thinking of telling one of them I’m bi.
30. He has told me some personal things (not sexual) and I think he’ll be ok with it.
31. I fucking hate labels, yet I label myself.
32. I enjoy recursive humor, wordplay, paradox, and pontification
33. I am pretentious, but I only want to impress myself
34. I adore ritual and show
35. I like make-up, but dislike “girly” girls.
36. I like girls who can wrestle me, work hard physically beside me, then clean up, dress up, and go out dancing (preferably in a gay club)
37. I have broad shoulders and a “body-builder” base physique.
38. I can easily put on muscle mass
39. I dislike 37-38 and want to be a waifish twink.
40. I have come to realize I will never accomplish 39.
41. I used to only be attracted to men that were waifish twinks
42. I took a break from this and had dinner, saw a movie (about a boy), and slept. It is now the morning.
43. I bite my nails
44. I am a very figity person. My hands always need to be doing something.
45. I am a strong atheist as well as a metaphisical naturalist and skeptic.
46. Though I try to treat everyone I know with dignity and respect, I have a tough time with those who are big believers in supernaturalism or “alternative” medicines.
47. I have 5 computers at home, running the following OSes, (2) XP Pro, 1 W2k Server, 1 w2k Pro, 1 RedHat Linux 7.1
48. I need to build another computer by Christmas, which would bring the total to 6.
49. I have never gotten over growing up ~7 blocks from Disneyland and going there extremely often – My life has to be as magical and fantastical.
50. Our house has theme rooms (which strangely match Disneyland areas): We have the Jungle room (Bedroom), Tiki room, Pirate Room (in disarray, Laundry room), The only expeption is the Glamour room, which is themed but has no Disney counterpart.
51. I have a strong draw toward strong figures that have created modern mythology (Tolkien, Disney, etc.)
52. I play (in order of accomplishment): Recorder, Piano, Tin Whistle, Guitar, Fretted Dulcimer.
53. I love Classical music, but get picky when it is later than the Romantic Era.
54. I like Beethoven, but don’t ‘get’ why he is revered.
55. I adore Bach and other masters of counterpuntalism — His largest critisim is that his music is too “Cerebral”
56. I have been accused as well as being too “Cerebral”
57. I still don’t ‘get’ anime, though I try — I like certain specific movies I have seen, but find the majority I have seen are too poor quality animation (in terms of realism or consitency) for me to enjoy visceraly.
58. I am always trying to destroy pre-conceived notions I have, and continue to try to enjoy things I previously have not (certain food, anime, music, etc.)
59. I have a strange fear of abandonment and hate to be ‘left out’ of anything.
60. I grew up in Southern California – moved to Norther California when I was 24
61. I will be 30 this year.
62. I just realized I have been spotty at puting periods at the end of these sentences, and also realised that some of these sentances are probably fragments.
63. I have a penchant for liking the sound of certain words and using them when I can’t think of a word, or spout them just for fun.
64. Some of these words have been Chicken, Cheese, Chocolate, and Monkey.
65. I am sensitive and have easily bruised feelings.
66. I have gotten much better at not letting 65 bother or affect me too much.
67. Though I haven’t much liked my body, I do strangely adore my feet and calves.
68. And yet I am not a foot fetishist.
69. I really like (good quality) porn.
70. I’m so liberal, I don’t “believe” in crime or such a thing as a “criminal mind,” except to say if there is such a thing, we are all “criminals.”
71. I am lazy and procrastinatory
72. I’ve been working on #71 as well.
73. I wish there were more open homoeroticsm in our culture – the same level as the forced eroticism of the female figure and female sexuality.
74. I’d like men to be as exploited for their sexuality as women (thank you, internet!).
75. I believe that the only commonality that any humans share is that we are all complete individuals.
76. I feel betrayed and sad when someone I know abandons rational thought about a topic due to emotions (for an extended period of time).
77. I feel the current executive administration is the worst in terms of talent and knowledge that I have ever witnessed before.
78. I have serious reservations about maintaining american citizenship.
79. I sometimes feel like a german intellectual in 1934 Germany.
80. I want to cover up the ‘B’ in every stupid “God Bless America” sign I see so they will all say “God less america.”
81. I am ashamed to be American.
82. I have not done any of this (except in my head) becaise I am a staunch supporter of the 1st ammendment.
83. Many people say they support the 1st ammendment, but few display this in practice.
84. I don’t know what group I dislike more, Huge moral-lacking corporations, or those who hate them because it is a way to fit into a group they want to be part of.
85. I don’t want people to agree with me, I want them to have informed opinions.
86. I’m always ready to change my mind considering new evidence.
87. I love stong flavours and can’t abide blandness.
88. I have a flair for cooking ( I like to think).
89. I come off as conceited.
90. I’m trying to figure out how to fix #89, at least the perception part.
91. I’m constantly working on my social skills.
92. I’m a good listener.
93. I’m not a good talker (about myslef and my feelings) except aroung a certain few people.
94. I don’t understand the peculiar American institution of intellectual=undesireable.
95. I despise how people treat children like a separate species instead of a small, inexperienced human.
96. I don’t think we need to “protect” children from anything (that isn’t abuse).
97. I now realize #96 begs the definiton of abuse, so if you remove the parenthetical, I also believe that.
98. I despise modern or pop country music.
99. I’ll take a BlowJob over any other sexual act.
100. Giving them ain’t half bad either.
101. Looking back at the amount of Sexual items in this list, I see it shows I am a complete horndog. (I already knew that, of course.)

Am I done already?

Three pics – 2 of me, 1 of heather. We have a bunch more which I need to pshop to reduce size, colour balance, etc..

Doom III (tech demo) is showing at E3.

OH MY %MAKE-BELIEVE SKY FAIRY%

The Doom 3 real-time rendering engine rivals cut-scene rendering technology and even perhaps some CGI of the movie industry.

ON YOUR HOME PC! Real Time!

Plus, since the Carmack is (like me) all cross-platformy, It will be released for Win32, Mac OSX, and Linucies. Everyone gets to play. That is, if you have a beefy system with the right GFX card. I know what I want for XMAS!

Yes, I am exited.

Well I took the colourgenics test and it is definitely NOT me, not one bit.

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical – indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

You need an atmosphere of peace and quiet and you would like to share a bond of understanding with the ‘right person’ – you have the belief that with the right person, your stress and anxiety could be minimised.

Your confidence has been shattered. There are so many things that you would like to do with your life, so many dreams to be fulfilled – and you know that your hopes and dreams are not just figments of your imagination, they are real and you are looking for reassurance from someone. Basically your fears are such that you may be prevented in attaining your hopes and dreams. Even now you would like to broaden your fields of endeavour but in order to develop your ‘inner- self’ you need peace and solace. You are distressed by the fear that you may be prevented from attaining your goals. What you really need at this particular moment in time is quiet reassurance from someone close to you to restore your confidence.

As of late, you have been experiencing untold stress and this is a result of continuous frustration. You haven’t been taking care of all your physical needs and it’s beginning to show. It would seem that you have a need to find someone to whom you can really relate – someone perhaps whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different – to be individualistic – to stand out from the common herd. Your inherent control of your sensual instincts is restricting your ability to give yourself to open up freely but this being on your own, being lonely, often makes you feel the need to give up some of your strict standards to surrender to the general flow – to be like everyone else; a part of the herd. Deep down you regard such instincts as weaknesses to be overcome. You would like to be loved or admired for yourself alone. You demand recognition and tender loving care.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realise or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

Hm!

I’m in a funk again today, all day. I’d sum up by calling it “Blahs” – Monday was good, so I suppose I am getting my Monday today.

Head and I are going to glam it up when we get home and take snaps (if it pans out when we get home, etc..) so that should be fun.

No other exiting news to speak of. I’m certainly looking forward to the 3-day weekend.

mentioned the Prydain Chronicles in a post today and now I am moved (heh) to re-read them, which I haven’t done in more that 5 years or so. I so dearly loved them, I’m sure I still will.

Almost 5 PM here on the left coast!